Empty Cards


FVJules: I got a card yesterday, no money. You know where that card went? Right in the fucking trash
dantomime: yeah...exactly
dantomime: i hate presentless birthday cards...i'd rather get a letter that means something...or money that means something
FVJules: Seriously, even a dollar. A dollar can get you so much
FVJules: But a fucking card? And it was a NICE card, like the $5 it cost could have bought me a big mac
dantomime: hahahaha - yeah - that's a good fucking point
FVJules: People can be so selfish
FVJules: And unthoughtful
FVJules: Bastards
dantomime: god you're a fucking bitch
FVJules: Hey you are too
dantomime: ...yeah
dantomime: ...the bitchiness is giving me an erection
FVJules: And that is why we are one in our world of brutal truth
FVJules: Right? I could go at it right now.

Here we come hell!

Dear broke diary...

I have officially hit rock bottom. I have $1.28 in my checking account and $2.51 in my checking account. I have exactly $1000 in scholarship money back at home so I was going to be (almost) all set for rent for the year but then those NSTAR assholes decided to step in again.

Remember the mail entry? Yeah I wasn't kidding. Yesterday I check the mail and there is one birthday card, 2 bills, and a small package. I decide to open the birthday card first in hopes that the dough inside will soften the blow of the two bills. There is no money. I am too broke to appreciate thoughtfulness people, if you are not going to send a card with money please do not get my pathetically broke hopes up. Even if you send me a dollar, I will be very appreciative. A dollar is 1/3 a load of laundry, almost 3 meals of Ramen, or even most of a coffee. Come on. I'm broke and in college, I'd still believe in the tooth fairy if it meant a few swift blows with a baseball bat would get me a few quarters under my pillow.

So I take a deep breath and open the NSTAR bill. It's not a bill. It's yet another shutoff notice. I have until June 9th to get them $400 or the electricity will be shut off... again. It amazes me that the number of times NSTAR has managed to screw up keeps coming back to me in the form of food gone bad and cold showers. I keep getting visuals of me walking in there with a shotgun. I mean hugs. Lots of hugs. HUGS OF DEATH!

The other bill is from Kohl's which is expected. What isn't expected is their ridiculous interest rates, I need to pay that off immediately. Who do they think they are? When you sell discount clothing you need to understand you are dealing with discount people such as myself. Jerks.

The package was the free palm pilot that came with the TIME subscription Dad bought me. This was about the only thing keeping me from a nervous breakdown.

I would pretty much count on most entries in the near future being of the broke diary sorts.

JUSTICE!!!!

In short, this weekend rocked. Friday night was Meg's 21st birthday party which turned out to be a lot of fun. I started off the night by heading to Wilson's where she and Jer were already drunk.... it was about 8:30pm. I joined them in this pre-party pursuit and one Mikey Walsh, Quan's Kitchen, a few episodes of Family Guy, several drinks, and a few hours later, JWF arrived. For the party I was equipped with my own handle of Jack which I carried around with me or had someone guard all night, especially after I caught Natalie trying to walk out of the party with it. I may have threatened her life, I don't know. Probably. Don't touch my Jack. I decided that shots were a really good idea and went around the party giving a cap of Jack to someone and just chugging out of the bottle myself. Later Dan Powers told me the only person at that party more sober than him was Cooper. Cooper doesn't drink. We were all wasted. Good times.

After some recovery the next day it was into the PARTY VAN and off to the Cape. Man I missed the Weber-Flink family, they are some of the greatest people ever. After being treated to delicious Indian food we commenced drinking, me with my Jack. Chris and I did whiskey taste tests with Jim Bean and Jack which was an easy comparison but still fun. High-lights of the night included JUSTICE and the snoring symphony.

JUSTICE can simply be described by loose para-phrasing:
"Never have I ever masturbated to something other than a person."
"What the hell do you masturbate to?"
"Pie?"
"Animals?"
"JUSTICE?"
"Oh YEAHHHHH Justicccccce."
"I can never be a lawyer now."

The snoring symphony was goddamn hilarious. Sleeping arrangement begins as follows: Casey, Shelbs, Mikey in TV room, Jordan in basement, Wilson, Powers, and I in the living room and Jer in the library which is attached to the living room with no door. As Wilson and I settle down we suddenly hear this gut-wrenching, terrifying, deafening noise: Powers is snoring. But suddenly, Power's snoring gets a beat, a melody... the snoring has broken into a two part harmony. BENT is also snoring. They are snoring is sync. They are alternating. Powers is changing chords. Wilson and I look at each other in disbelief. I walk over to Powers, kick him, and tell him to go form the duet proper by sleeping in the room with Jer. He jabs his middle finger up in the air and slurs "Fuck you, Janson. Fuck you." The more I kick him the more I get his finger jabbed up at me. After a good laugh Wilson heads to the TV room. I know that I am drunk enough to sleep through anything so I pass out on the couch and sleep through the rest of the night. The next morning a disgruntled Wilson emerges from the TV room: "Shelby and Casey BOTH snored!" I lose it. Dan doesn't remember his jabbing finger of "fuck you." Mikey has a toothache. This group needs help.

Overall, it was a mighty fine time hanging out with a bunch of the old-school kids again.

Yesterday was Evan's 21st. My gift to him was a handle of Jack, 4 Guinesses, a Maxim magazine, two 2 liters of coke, and a card. He calls it a shrine to all men. He, Kate and I see Shrek 2 which was goddamn hilarious, especially after a few Jack and Cokes (screw you Stu!). It wasn't as good as the first but Puss in Boots was freaking hysterical. Then we went back to Dexter and watched "To Wong Foo..." with Alex and Ash. Oh, this was after playing on the playground with Jonathan and Clint included. Alex and I had a swing jumping contest WHICH I WON! Bow down to meeeeeee, Queen of the swing jumping!!!! Then I gave Evan the rest of his gift. End of story. Pervert.

My birthday is next weekend which means there could be an equal amount of drinking. I am looking forward to it. My liver on the other hand, is not.

JUSTICE!

Introducing: DFUM

Pattio229: friends tell friends if boyfriends are ugly, stupid, mean, or cheating
FVJules: Stupid, mean, or cheating I would be all over
FVJules: Ugly is more of a matter of opinion
Pattio229: true
Pattio229: otherwise all of the ugly men on earth would die out
Pattio229: and then everyone would be hot....
FVJules: Exactly
FVJules: Oh man
FVJules: Why can't that happen?
Pattio229: no kidding
Pattio229: okay, lets start a campaign: DFUM
Pattio229: dont fuck ugly men
FVJules: Yes, I think we owe it to the world
Pattio229: say it like d-fum
FVJules: Got it
Pattio229: this is a great organization
FVJules: This is the best idea we've ever had
Pattio229: it is. we should start campaigning
Pattio229: and then we can run for president and vice president and put DFUM into law
FVJules: And make the world a better place for women
Pattio229: can i be VP? that way i can have affairs in peace.
FVJules: Sounds good
FVJules: I feel I am in a much stronger position to take control
Pattio229: thats becuase deep down inside you are a dominatrix
Pattio229: ... or not so deep down inside...
FVJules: I won't deny it
Pattio229: our slogan can be "D-FUMdamentals... time to put a stop to the ugly world"

Final Angel Episode *tear*

Warning: Don't read this if you haven't seen the last episode or ever plan on wanting to be surprised by the last episode because this will ruin some stuff. There Stu. There. =o)

So the last episode of Angel was last night and that just about makes me want to cry (Read: Title). I of course watched it with Evan since the only Angel fans we have are each other. Kate watched too but was completely confused since she has never seen the show.

First of all, Lindsey is officially the hottest man alive. I had never had much of a thing for him before but the voice with the new long hair and facial hair and cowboy clothing.... sweet Jesus. When Lorn killed him I was so pissed. Lorn does not get to kill Lindsey, Angel does. But no one should really get to kill Lindsey because he is hot and evil. No one should be allowed to kill hot people. Especially people who are THAT hot. Did I mention sweet Jesus? I can't get him off my mind he is so damn hot. Not sweet Jesus, Lindsey. Damn.

The best part of the show by far was Spike's choice of last day. He goes to a biker bar, does shots of Jack and then recites poetry. Biker bar, Jack, vampire... Heaven. And hilarity. Heaven hilarity.

I have always given Angel credit for his remarkable ability to deliver one-liners but he topped all other one-liners EVER in this episode: "Personally, I want to slay the dragon." Not to mention it was the (second) to last line of the show which was even more fabulous.

Wesley was by far the best leading character to kill off considering he's the most endearing character the show has. I really hate Fred but that final scene between the two of them almost made me consider crying.

I love that Spike was around for both endings. I especially loved the "no amulets" reference. I also loved that there was no Buffy. When Angel went off for his last day I was about to leave the room because I was sure there was going to be a Buffy scene. But no, Joss rocks. He rocks hardcore. I especially loved when Colin showed up for the fight.

I have to give Joss credit since he had about 4 episodes to wrap up a shitload of plot lines. I am really happy that he wrapped up the "will Angel ever be human question" and in such a shocking yet simple way. I was disappointed with the actual end but it basically screams "Give me another two seasons!" which I doubt will happen but am keeping my fingers crossed anyway.

So that officially takes care of the one show I would go out of my way to watch. Thank goodness they are putting Family Guy back on the little screen.

Oh and lets not forget Angel. Angel has the whole vampire thing working for him which is hotness points times three. Evan was happy that Eve made a few appearances. Evan and I's favorite part of any show was when Angel and Eve did the nasty.

Angel: You guys go do this, this, and this. We'll stay here and have sex.

Genius.

Lindsey is hot.

GLEE!

First, they make Shrek, THEN they make Shrek 2. Now the people who brought you both of these works of genius are MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT SHARKS!!!!

Go here for the preview.

Happy!

BODY TWISTER MOUNTAINS!

So last Monday finals were finally over and Kate and I are sitting around wondering what to do to celebrate since it's Monday night and a lot of our friends are gone. Ashley calls saying she is also bored. Kate turns to me and says "Okay Julie, we're bored and we have a car, what do we do?" My response: "Drive to Swansea for a hot tub party."

And that is just what we did. After being joined by Alex and Michelle we grabbed two bottles of UV Vodka and off we went. We hit up 7/11 for some yummy goodness and then went to my place for some steamy bubbly fun. Michelle wasn't feeling all that well so she went in early but the four of us stayed in for about 3 hours and pretty much polished off both bottles of UV. The sexual tension rose with a stirring game of Never Have I Ever and Kate had her top stolen from her about 20 times. And when I say top I don't mean we took off with her shirt, I mean Alex and Ashley kept on untying Kate's bikini top and removing it just to have Ashley and I grab onto the strings so that Kate couldn't get it back on. NHIE was hilarious. Within minutes the four of us were inches away from each other in my huge hot tub. As the normal questions got boring we decided to make the game a little more "here and now." By this I mean I suddenly decide to ask "Never have I ever wanted to make out with a person in THIS hot tub RIGHT NOW." Slowly everyone's hands were lowered under the water and when they re-emerged they all had one more finger lowered. These questions continued for a while. Like this group doesn't have enough sexual tension.

We were all in a pretty hilarious mood, Kate probably being the funniest. She couldn't complete words to save her life and seemed to be under the impression that we were in the mountains. We also came up with a new game: Body Twister. Each person is a color so "left hand on green" gets a whole new meaning if you get my jist. And I'm sure you do because if you are reading this you are probably a kinky scoundrel like myself. The three girls crashed on the pull out couch in the computer room while Alex and I "took one for the team" by sleeping on my huge leather couches in the living room. Man did we have it rough. The girls really owe us for having to go through such torture. Next morning Joyce left us $20 for breakfast because we were so quiet so we went to Al Macs Diner for a big greasy breakfast. So basically it was a fantastic night that will definitely be repeated several times this summer.

And of course, who could have any experience like this without QUOTES!:

"I'm prettier when I'm drunk." -Ashley

"You're useless but you're cute and you have alcohol." -Julie to Kate

"Everywhere I look there are girls." -Alex

"Woa, I have a penis." -Ashley

Alex: They're tribal dancing!
Kate: They're black, that's what they do.

Julie: What topics did we cover? Sex? Lesbianism?
Ashley: Yeah that about covers it.


And in case it hasn't sunk in boys, Alex was in a hot tub with four girls. Four drunk girls. Four sexy drunk girls... who like kissing each other and stealing each other's tops. For that, he gets a random quote included from the other night:

"Porn is acting too but it's still hot."

You go Alex.

Dear Broke Diary...

Man am I broke. I have officially re-entered the world of Poordom and I am making a huge comeback. Let me give you a run-down of the past week to give you an idea. I start off the week with $50 in my bank account and about $300 left on my credit card. I realize that I need summer clothes so I head to the swankiest, trendiest place a girl like me can afford: TJMaxx. I had a $25 shirt that I had bought for the Mil Ball and didn't use so that was a huge bonus. I ended up with 5 shirts for under $40 and I am pleased to say that they are not a complete fashion crisis.

Next I head to the grocery store with a list I liked to call the Poor Woman's Diet. Basically pasta, cereal, and broccoli. I hit up every sale and store brand item I can find and head to the self check-out. Then disaster strikes. I don't have my Shaw's card. None of these sales will be any good! I look around. I see a cute guy at the register next to me. I think: "The only thing better than getting a good sale is getting a date too!" I ask cute and thrifty for his Shaw's card, but he doesn't HAVE one! He is obviously not the thrifty man-about-town type I am looking for. I then ask the black woman behind me and she is more than happy to hook a sista up. I grin with satisfaction as the machine rattles off my $7.02 in savings.

Yesterday I go to Barnes and Noble with Kate to pick up our text books for our summer classes. I am taking TWO classes yet I need SEVEN books. When I get to the register the total comes to $256. After almost passing out I calmly hand the guy my credit card. It is denied. WHAT?!?!! I have no other source of income! This HAS to work! But it's not. So I call Joyce and ask her for her credit card number, the manager hears this and says Joyce will have to go through this big faxing process for me to be able to use the card. As I wait for the fax an overwhelming sense of guilt arises. I hate asking my parents for money. I may be poor, but I'm a dignified poor person and this is a lot of money. So I sell back an old textbook I have on me and get $22. After some quick math I realize I can make this work. I tell the guy to put $200 on my credit card, $34 on my debit card, and I'll pay the rest with my new cash flow. When the transaction is complete my cash is still on the counter. He has put $56 on my debit card. I don't HAVE $56 on my debit card. I sprint to the bank to deposit the cast before it all goes through. When the receipt prints I see that I have $100 in my account. THE AIR FORCE PAID ME DURING FINALS!!!!! Kate laughs as I sing hymms to the Air Force gods and skip out of the bank.

So thanks to the Air Force I'm not completely broke after having bought those books. However, with so little money left I still went out to eat and bought 2 DVDs that were on uber sale. I may be poor, but I'm still a material girl who loves restaurants. Thank god my birthday is coming up.

You know, I kind of missed the poor life. It has it's amusing charm and I've now gone back to worshipping the little things in life.

Running out of sympathy..

As a point of reference:

There are fun kinds of assholes, I like to call them asses. Asshole has a very negative tone while "ass" has that fun, keep you on your toes tone.

Asses = Cool
Cowardly Assholes = Not cool

If you EVER date me and you fuck up you need to a) Have the balls to admit you fucked up and/or b) Fucking apologize. If you do neither of these things, you are officially the scum of the earth because you are a coward and there is nothing more disgusting and pathetic than a coward.

Though I can be difficult about certain things, I am generally a VERY easy-going person. ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating because frankly, I forget. If you stay honest and respectable during any sort of engagement we may pursue, you will find me very pleasing and agreeable in the future.

If you fuck with me, fuck you. There are way too many men in the world for me to be wasting my time with you.

Girls, I hope you all feel this way because a cowardly asshole or any kind of asshole just isn't worth your time. If you're wondering why I posted this, it's because I just encountered one such cowardly asshole and everyone keeps telling me that I'm "handling it remarkably well." This bothers me because that means it is common to handle these situations "less well." So ladies, don't get hung up on idiots. Go have a drink. We'll do shots.

Amused

FVJules: Damn you writer/filmmaker types
NBoyle123: you wuv us
FVJules: No I love men who fly big planes and ride motorcycles
FVJules: There is a (small) difference
NBoyle123: seriously
NBoyle123: I almost do that

Mission Most Definitely Accomplished (Read: Finals what?)

13 hours of drinking...

2pm Kate invites me over for pizza and a movie. We decide that now is a good time to start drinking. And not, oh let's have a mixed drink, drinking. We're doing double shots.

3pm Evan decides to join in.

6:30pm When Ben gets to the apartment to meet us to go to the Cheesecake Factory, I am somewhere above 6 double shots of vodka. Ben, Evan and I do one more for the road and off we go. Bruggs comes along for dinner.

9pm Leave Cheesecake Factory and meet up with Nat who comes with us to get alcohol. We buy a ridiculous amount and head to my place for drinking games and Cranium (apparently I'm a really good speller?). At this point it is me, Ben, Evan, Kate. At this point we are also drinking again. Shannon joins us.

11:30 Kate leaves but at some point we have Bent, Shelby, Bruggs, Garth and Beckie added to the equation. Drinks all around.

The gathering goes until somewhere around 3 in the morning (I think). This was indeed a crazy night.

However, I have composed a list of things that should be invented for drunk college students:

-Refrigerators that lock
-Cell phones that turn off when they sense alcohol on your breath unless you are calling 911
-Computers that turn off when they sense too much alcohol.

If these things exist, I don't have them. And I should, because they would come in handy.

Finals what?

FVJules: We are getting SO DRUNK tomorrow
DAXX2002: damn straight
FVJules: I don't want to remember I even go to BU
DAXX2002: i dont want to remmeber my name
FVJules: Let's do it
DAXX2002: done and done

FVJules: A couple of us just plan on getting together and getting completely wrecked
three101: any reason for this?
FVJules: (kind of) end of finals
three101: good enough

A Tribute to Carina's Grandmother....

Yesterday Carina walks into my room and throws a YM magazine on my floor. I immediately think this is one of those promo things. You know, like the diapers Carina gets in the mail every so often that we like to use as Swifer pads when we run out. Instead, she informs me that this is the first of many in the subscription that her grandmother has purchased for her. I immediately dive at said magazine for horoscope and quiz.

First of all the thing tells me I'm going to die in May. It tells me that it's going to be the worst month ever. Considering I have finals which I'm doing fine on, Sean coming out, and my birthday in May, I say fuck YM. Carina's horoscope tells her to stop letting her man tell her how to dress. It says she should be able to wear Chucks if she wants to. We circle "Chucks" in big red pen because frankly, we don't know what the hell a "chuck" is.

Next, the quiz. We need to know if we are too manipulative. YM quizzes have really gone downhill. You know how even though they used to throw in little specifics that would never apply to you but you could figure out generally what area you fit into? Yeah Carina and I kept answering "none of the above." This quiz determined that you were either a complete and total loser (you know, the type who wonders why her friends don't call and invites herself to things anyway only to get ignored for the night), the MODEL CITIZEN (which just cracked us up), or a complete whiney bitch. Not even manipulative. Whiney bitch. The kind I hit. We also come across the word "Chipwich" which we also cricle in red pen. We have to look this shit up because we are obviously behind on the times and simply NOT COOL AT ALL anymore.

So after this eye-opening quiz I begin flipping through the magazine. First thing I find: random picture of school bus that says "school bus from hell" on the side. It's on my wall now. However, coming in a close second or maybe even first were the tampon ads. Playtex has really taken a new route to advertising. One full page ad was just two poorly drawn tampons, one slightly skinnier than the other. Their labels were "big scary tampon" and "nice friendly tampon." The nice one had blue eyes and was smiling. Girls, are you with me in saying you would never use a tampon that was smiling at you? Okay, just checking. Next, and by far the most hilarious, was another full page ad with the words "A leak can attract unwanted attention." Thing is the picture is of a girl snorkeling and a shark. The take-home message here: "Use our tampons or you will be EATEN BY SHARKS."

This all came during the five minutes where I had decided to hate the world and everyone in it because to top off 30 minutes of getting royally pissed off I had come home to a possible virus on my computer. However, after this YM shit I was all smiles again.

Thank you Carina. Thank you Carina's grandmother. Thank you YM so for sucking oh-so-much.

What the hell is going on?

Military people are interested in me. Several of them. I've been asked out on like three dates in two days. I have NO IDEA what is going on.


And of course, this comes at a time when I actually have no desire to date. Fabulous.

But so worth it....

Let's re-cap....

"Julie? Where are your rats???" -Carina

"Guys, where did the $2 in my bra come from?" -Julie

"Julie actually likes a boy??? She's not just going to use him up and eat his soul?" -Shafer

FVJules: Kate and I always make out and it's becoming a trend with Tyson very quickly
MechsterJ: You should push for some three way action...
FVJules: FVJules: Oh I should, should I?
MechsterJ: All I'm saying is, if you want to keep your crown as sexual maven of Stage Troupe, you better push for some three way, because some punk freshman next year is going to come out of nowhere and kiss a chick on the boob, and then where will you be without the threeway? Takin' a back seat to some kid, thats what...
FVJules: Dammit you're right
MechsterJ: I'm only thinking of your future, kid..

I have a pair of men's dress pants. Belong to anyone?

New friends: Tall Army Guy and Frank

Rescue Mission of DVDs STOLEN FROM MY PARTY (HoffmanInstitute: well you mobilized a platoon to hunt down the stealing of DVD's)

"but I got party?"

And then so much I actually can't remember which is odd for me. Feel free to comment with your own highlights.

And yeah, I cried. I think my wall of bitter being broken down is starting to work on me because it's down and there's not much I can do about it because the reason for it all lives in Arizona. However, the absolute best part of this was:

dantomime: do you remember what i told you when i was holding you when you were crying?
dantomime: after everyone else was consoling you and trying to make you feel better...
dantomime: "julie, shut the fuck up. nobody wants to hear it...especially not you. so suck it up and suck some dick."
dantomime: and then you said, "god, i love you."
dantomime: and then we hugged

Another crazy party in the bag....